Day One

First leg Heathrow to Frankfurt,

Window or aisle seat sir?

Window please.

Wrong answer, computer says no.

Aside for the fact that my beautiful window seat afforded me a great view of the rattling wing flaps, I was also oxed in by an outrageously arguementative German couple. This couple had clearly decided that now was as good a time as any to debate (in English) about lederhosen (it may have been about something else) and to practise there pronounciation of the word "fok" (more practise required I think).

Despite my best attempts, the glass window simply wouldn't yield to my plastic fork (although better progress was made with complimentary in flight snack - query sandwich?) and so my entertainment for the next hour limited itself to some monotonous head bashing, served up with a generous portion of eye ball gouging.

Fortunately, before I woke the old man in front of me with a slap-by-eyeball, Frankfurt made a timely intervention in order that it could present me with a hour of equally entertaining "Eye-spy Fashion disasters". White socks and sandals, 10 points, jeans-shorts, 50 points, wife beater and weird hair, 30+15 points, incredibly well presented, well co-ordinated, dashingly handsome Englishman (mirror), 30 points etc....